I got fever last night. I should’ve slept early. But when you have roomie like Azy. How could you kan ? We kept on talking and talking , more talking and more laughing. She’s cool. I like her. We talked abt our times in KTJ. The bittersweet of it. I miss KTJ. I really do. Although there are peer pressure of who has the latest phone , the latest trend. But If you don’t give a damn about it , you will have tonnes of fun. Like me , I used to be cautious in KTJ. Until I met some truly awesome friends there. The cash doesn’t really count. What really matter is the friendship you’ve built. Though the cash are always in the way. But come on , you’re surrounded with rich kids. There will always be competition. Being in KTJ really open up my mind. It gives me a new perspective. Like new culture , new religion , new stuff. Everyday there’s new thing to learn. Ohh , and new language!

Unlike in PJ , the people here are majority MALAYS. So , you know how close and narrow minded malays are. *Though I admit I’m malay but I’m not 100% malay*. I don’t like how they have that certain categories for certain type of people. They don’t like us being ‘different’ than them. They want us to be the same. Like them. Which is BORING. Cause there’s no colours. It’s like BLACK AND WHITE. There’s not a stroke of RED , GREEN , TURQOISE , BLUE , FUSHIA , ORANGE or any colours. It’s like watching a black and white potrait. Where everything is the same. There’s no life to it.

Oh well , I’m just glad that I have a semester left before I’m going to Gombak. Hopefully in that time I won’t reseat or repeat any subjects. I have to study my butt off for the sake of leaving this place.

High ‘SEA’.

I am freaking scared for finals. We’ll have a week left before the big exam begins. Honestly , I’m not confident enough on integration. It’s so confusing. Especially whether to use u-substitution , Less Apparent Substitution or IBP.

I’ve been working my ass off on integration. But maybe , my techniques are wrong. Maybe this time around I shouldn’t listen to music. I should try tomorrow then.

Honestly , I don’t know if I can score A for finals. Integration is a big chapter. And according to Madam , it takes about 60% on finals. I don’t feel so good about it. I mean , come on , it’s 60%. IT’S MORE THAN HALF *by 10% but still!!*.

And not to forget , graphing. I have to do more graphing! Time is running out. And I have to speed up. Time for me to pick up any kind of catalyst for this lil brain of mine!!

Urghh.. I don’t feel stressed up but I sound like one. Well , Maybe I’m just pressured by it since I can’t answer most on Tuto.

I NEED SOME DRIVE , MOTIVATION , INSPIRATION , ANYTHING.. ANYTHING..

I just have to remind myself to NOT GIVE UP.

*Rick Astley – Never Gonna Give You Up is playing on the background. LMAO

The cravings.

FINALLY I’ve got my BIG JUICY TENDER loving burger. Ate at Carl’s Jr. After days of cravings , DOUBLE WESTERN BACON CHEESE BURGER FINALLY GOT INTO MA BELLY !! And I have to say , I am as happy as a girl could be. I feel like I can conquer the world by just the first bite. I feel awesome. Well , maybe cause I am. And the burger made it DOUBLE AWESOME. I feel uber awesome.

I don’t need dinner cause ma belly is in a good mood. Haza said I’m like an anaconda / kambing kenyang. After I finished my meal , we went walking around the mall. I was super sleepy and full the whole time. We went to Jusco. Wrong place ! Cause we walked at the home interior design place. There’s MOUNTAINS of COMFY pillows. I could fall asleep there. I swear I could. But Haza kept on trying to wake me up. But EPIC FAIL. I still feel sleepy. My eyes were teary the whole time.

My second craving , JUICE WORKS is fulfilled too! I was DOUBLE HAPPY now. I’m as happy as anyone could ever imagine. I feel TRIPLE AWESOME! I feel like I could conquer the WHOLE UNIVERSE. I feel IMMORTAL. I drank water works. Watermellon , sorbet , tropical juice and something.

Went to MPH. I bough SOPHIE HANNAH - THE OTHER HALF LIVES. I think the book is nice. Cause it’s mystery , crime-ish. The type I’m into now. I never read Sophie Hannah’s. This is my first. I hope she leave me with a good impression. LOL. I wish daddy gave me his credit card so that I can buy more books. I was having a hard time to choose which book to buy. It’s either THE LAST QUEEN or this. I think , maybe once I finish this book , I’ll buy that.

Hmm. I saw this pretty dress at this one shop. It’s like what Blair wore in GGS03EP02. It’s so lovely!! I think I’m gonna buy it.

Oh, I found a perfect jeans and sandals for my sis. I think it’s exactly what she likes. I just hope she likes it as much as I like it! And , I found perfect top for my mom. I’m gonna buy that as her birthday and tudungs for mother’s day.! It’s a bummer that I can’t celebrate mother’s day with her. =[

My Bloody Valentine.

Last night , I felt like watching any gory , horror movies. So , off to movie hunting I go. I took several movies from Misha. I swear she has LOTS of movies. After that , I jumped happily back to my room and watched with Azyan.

Gosh , the movie is so BRUTAL. I like !! I was excited to see the killing part. I can’t wait for the killer to kill cause you never expect what method he’s gonna use with the pickaxe. I feel bad for the room downstairs cause I kept on tapping my feet due to my excitedness. LOL. But I kinda knew who would the killer was cause it’s kinda obvious. Or maybe cause I already know how the plot will be. Hehehe..

I just knew that it has in 3D. Damn… I wish I saw it in 3D. It’ll be awesome if it is. No wonder the effects , the blood and the killing part are so real. I can’t imagine how it’ll be like if I watched it in 3D. But I know it’ll be AWESOME.

 

Burgers.

Something is not right with me. I’ve been craving for lots of stuff. Especially food!! Two days ago , I craved for burgers. It was before solat. I asked Azyan what’s the best burger she’s ever had. She said Sugarbun’s Fish Fillet. I’ll try that once I’m back home. But now, all I ever want is CHILI’S BURGER. The steak grilled cheese burger. Aaaahh..~ Very fulfilling. Gosh , I wish I could get that burger. But I think that on Sunday I’ll just get myself a Carl’s Jr. Hey , it’s still those big , juicy , tender loving burger!! =D

And after I took my nap , I saw Azyan ate McD’s. I was literally drooling there. Hehehe.. Then , I feel like drinking Iced Caramel Mocha @ Starbucks. Omg. I think on Sunday I will be on FOOD HUNTING. Like , I’ll be going everywhere just to search for food. Hahaha!

Well , maybe not. I’ll ask daddy for more money. But maybe not. I just have to choose which food I crave the most on that day then. Hmm.. This will be the TOUGHEST decision ever I’ve had to make. Hahaha..

Hmm. I’ve lost my mojo in blogging.

I’ll blog again some other time.

Weak.

That’s how I feel today. I can’t bear this pain alone. This is too much for me to handle. But I know it’s impossible to share this pain with anyone. The back pain is not getting better. I feel so fatigue right now. I just took my nap and still tired. I feel like an alien. I’m not getting better at all !

I can only hold my right posture for a while then I have to slouch back or my back hurts more. I think I need to drink milk. MORE milk.

I don’t think I can hit the gym tonight. With the pain like this , I don’t think I could be able to even do 5 minutes of cardio!!

I need the bed. Guess that’s the right spot to be. =[

Anybody could be that guy.

Decided that this week , I wont be going back. I need to study. Like , ‘Be-in-the-room-and-study-for-3-straight-days’ kind of study. Hmm.. That’s actually a lie. I won’t be able to do that. I’ll die of being uber studious.

Anyway , It’s the BitchZilla Day : 2.

I’m tired and really annoyed by few people. I know they don’t have the intention to annoy me. But , I just feel annoyed. Sometimes , I feel like doing Aiza’s thing : GET OVER IT.. But then , I know I will hurt their feelings and they will make a BIG deal out of it. Geez , people… Get a life. So , I rather keep it down low and hold it inside. Then , I have to find an alternative to not strangle them by the neck and took their eyeballs out.

I’m not myself this couple of days. I think I’m tired of making people try to understand me that I’m finally lost and don’t know who am I. Or , it’s just the uber hormonal week. I think , the 2nd option fits the best.

It’s almost 1am and I need to sleep. Hopefully the BitchZilla will be good in the morning.

Ps : I’m tired of pleasing people that I think from now , I’ll act DON’T KNOW.. DON’T CARE..

The return of the bitchzilla.

Been a while this baby didn’t come out from its cave. I donno what triggers this bitch. All I know is that , when I woke up this morning , I didn’t feel like P.Diddy .. but more B.Zilla.

I pitied Haza. She was my victim for my bitchiness. But she was brave enough to make it through the day. I’m so proud of her. I think I’m gonna apologized to her. I hope she understood me. And to Alin and Rai too.!!

During maths class , a guy asked a question abt integration : why + C must be added. In my mind , I was thinking , isn’t that question been answered before ? Like , from the beginning of the chapter. They were eager to know. So , Madam answered it already. And now , he’s asking it again ? I looked at him and rolled my eyes. I think Madam saw it , she said , Eye rolling ceremony. LOL.

So yea, I’m scared if tonight it’ll get worst. So , I better prepared for the worst than the best.

Shoulda left my phone at home cause this is a disaster

Last Saturday I went to Mid Valley to meet my girls , Haza and Zaza. I have to thanks Radly and my sis for sending me there. If not , it’s either I have to take the bus or the train. I NEED to take my license ASAP.

Anyway , me and Haza watched KAIJI : THE ULTIMATE GAMBLER. It’s japanese. Honestly , the reason I watched it cause it’s from the cast of Death Note and the storyline. But it’s kinda boring cause they drag it with the casts having their LONG and CONTINUOUS monologues. I was bored halfway. But the ending are okay. Unexpected. Always got twist in the end. It was okay.

Then , it was me and Zaza’s turn to watch movie. WHEN IN ROME. It was HILARIOUS! Ohh. This time , we watched at gardens cause mid v was full. The seat was awesome! Just like Gold Class but no blankets. The seats are comfortable. I wanna go there again but it’s freaking expensive. And it’s kind of private. Back to the movie , I love KRISTEN BELL. She’s so pretty!! And of course , JOSH DUHAMEL. He’s freaking hot. The rest of the guys are so funny! They make the movie more interesting. =D

Ohh , on that day , my craving for Laksa Sarawak has been fulfilled cause we had dinner @ Laksa Shack. Though the Laksa Sarawak can’t beat the one I had in Miri , but it’s worth the craving.

I wanna watch Date Night cause I heard it’s super funny. I think I will see it this week. I’ll be dragging whoever to come. Hehehe..

Ps : The title has nothing to do with my post. That song has been stuck in my head for days. =s

18th marks the date.

Today is my mom’s 49th birthday. Again , for 2nd consecutive years , we didn’t get the chance to celebrate her birthday together as a family. :(

I wished my mom on the phone. Daddy gonna bring them to escapade sushi. My sis played the national anthem to my mom as her birthday song. Which is weird cause I know that my mom is not from a royalty family. Lol..

I plan to buy my mom clothes. Muslimah Clothes. She told me to buy it for her. Now , it’s the perfect timing! =)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!

I LOVE YOU..!

YOU’RE THE GREATEST MOM IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!

Nidji – Sudah.

I’m in love with this song. =)

Salahkah aku
Mencintaimu
Memilikimu
Menyayangimu
Jangan paksakan kita untuk
Slalu bersama
Jangan paksakan kita untuk
Slalu mencinta
Salahkah aku
Mencintaimu
Memilikimu
Menyayangimu
Bila kita harus berpisah, sudah
Biarkan ini semua berakhir, sudah
Cinta memang tak harus milikki.....

Sleep.

Today is my sleepy day. I’ve been sleeping A LOT. I’ve estimated for about 12 hours or so.

I didn’t even study for maths. I slept on top of my maths book. –.-

I should’ve studied tonight. But I got super lazy. I should’ve be a nerd and uber studious but then , I guess tonight is just the night. =D

There’s always tomorrow. =)

 

Restless.

So, I woke up by the mosquito bites. I was super duper sleepy but I couldn’t stand the bites so I’ve decided to do maths since I slept at 10 while trying to read the theory. *Note to self : I should’ve took my evening naps everyday or I’ll go tired by night.

Anyway , I’ve finished them but just need to sketch the graph. Nyeh.. I hate graphing. Me and graphs are not best of friends. Lots of things to do there. But it’s quite fun! Cause like, you get too caught up on doing it that you didn’t realize that time flies damn fast. So yea.. I find it fun. But I still prefer differentiation. *Nerdy talk there*.

I feel like I’m lying to myself about my feelings. But then , even I don’t know what I’m feeling. Sometimes I feel like I know. But then again , I’m puzzled. I hate being stuck in this emotional roller coaster ride. Sometimes I wish that I am one of those lucky people who don’t give a fuck about this shit and just live. I wish I have that strength to don’t give a fuck about this feeling. I wish I could just shrug it off and live and be happy. Instead , I’m stuck in this shit. I never like having this feeling.

They said having a crush is fun. What’s so fun is it o fantasize about those impossible things you know you will achieve ? Doesn’t that make you more sad than it is? It’s like ‘You Belong With Me – Taylor Swift’. Whenever you listen to those lyrics carefully , you can tell that it sounds desperate and sad. What’s so fun it is , when you know that your crush likes someone else ? What’s so fun it is when you know that your crush just sees you as a friend ? What’s so fun when once you know that it’s ‘Just a friend’ phase but you’re still stubborn to jump over that phase ?

Woow. I just made myself my own reality check. I feel so relieved right now. Now I can focus on other things instead of thinking of guys and all those mushy stuff. =)

This is utterly..completely..insanely stupid AND crazy.

This shouldn’t be happening to me.

I don’t know. I feel like talking or at least , texting you.

I don’t know what’s happening to you.

Part of me wishes that you feel the same way.

But the rational mind of me knows that you don’t even think or feel that way.

So , why am I still like this ?

I need to stop this.

Change of mind.

I have really changed my mind.

I found that you’re dorkily weird and funny. I really do.

It’s amazing how that amount of hatred I used to build up on you slowly drained down to every last bit of it. =)

I know I shouldn’t be happily jumping up and down when I heard the news but I couldn’t help it. I am too happy that you didn’t make it. I am so mean. But with a good intention. =)

 

Emo-ish. Sort of. I think. =/

I hate having this feeling right now. The kind that I know that something will go wrong. But I can’t quite figure it yet.

What will go wrong ? What’s wrong ?

Or Is it just one of those days. The days where I feel like , I wanna tell someone about it. But I just can’t really let it out of my chest. I know that something bad will happen. But when ? That’s all that matters. I wanna know WHAT and WHEN. This is really killing me.

I was all happy and jolly before this. Next thing I know , I was quiet and emo. It seems like I have an on/off button. *This is not the kind of button that I want*

I don’t know why. I really don’t. Even I myself is puzzled about it. I know that before this I was happy with my friends. Then , I was emo. =/

Is something wrong with me ????

Great , now the songs playing in my winamp are all sad songs. =/

 

Maths.

So last night I had maths. It was … SHIT. The questions looked easy but it’s fucking tricky. I didn’t feel anything once I left the hall. I guess I was too mentally exhausted. My brain has been fucked up by calculus. I didn’t know what I was thinking or feeling at that time. All I think of was to lie in my bed and just rest. I just need to be alone. From people who will keep on asking me , “How was the paper?” which I found really annoying and irritating. But I don’t blame them. But whatever.. Nyehh..

And I think part of it was because I didn’t eat for dinner. I didn’t have the appetite to eat. I guess I lost it cause of Calculus. Nyeh. Can’t be bothered about it. I think I need to have that ‘lost of appetite’ since I can tell that I’ve gained weight. I don’t know how much but I can feel it. Gargh !! I wish I have a very fast metabolism and I can eat whatever I want but still don’t need to worry about gaining weight.

My maths lecturer apologized to us for being so unfair for setting up such hard questions. But , it’s okay! We don’t blame you. I blame the panel for setting up that kind of questions. They’re cruel. Meanie!! =[

So , I’ve worked my ass off and all I can do now is tawakkal to Allah. I just want a pass. That’s all that matters. Amin.

 

Just what’s in my mind

I have the feeling that things won’t be the same anymore.

It’ll be weird not see you. I might forget how you look like. Your height. Even your voice.

Told myself that I don’t want to have any feelings towards you anymore. But , it’s not easy to just let go. It’s not like a switch where I can just turn it on and off just like that.

Sometimes, I wish that I can have that switch.

Ps : I still think about you. =[

Wonders if you stalk on this one too..

And now , for some unknown reason , you’ve started to ignore me.

Maybe you knew. Maybe you don’t.

If you don’t. Then , I guess I’m just being over reacting.

Here’s the list that I always listen to whenever I have a feeling towards a guy. I call this my ‘Crush Playlist’. =)

1. Akon – Be With you

“And I don’t care what they said , I wanna be with you , I wanna be with you , I’m gonna be with you”

2. Joy Enriques – Tell me how you feel.

“You’re on my mind had another sleepless night and all I think about is that I want you here and now. All I wanna say is that I want you in my life”

3. Mandy Moore – Crush.

“I got a crush on you , I hope you feel the way that I do , I get a rush when I’m with you , Ohh I got a crush on you , A crush on you”

4. The carnival – Love Fool

“Love me , Love me , Say that you love me , Fool me , Fool me , Go on and fool me”

5. Michelle Branch – Everywhere

“Cause you’re everywhere to me. When I close my eyes , It’s you I see”

6. Natasha Beddingfield – These Words

“These words are my own From my heart flow I love you , I love you , I love you”

7. N’Sync – It’s Gonna be me

“Every little thing I do , Never seems enough for you , You don’t wanna lose it again But I’m not like them , Baby , when you finally , Get to love somebody , Guess what ? It’s gonna be me”

8. Colbie Caillat – Falling for you

The whole lyrics speak for itself.

9. The Beatles – I want to hold your hand

“Oh please say to me You’ll met me be your man and please say to me you’ll let me hold your hand”

10. Akon – Beautiful

“Like the cloud you , drift me away far away. Like the sun you , brighten my day.

11. Blue – You make me wanna

“You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night. You make me wanna hold you till the morning light. You make me wanna love , you make me wanna surrender my soul.”

12. Taylor Swift – You belong with me.

Especially when the crush is taken. =[

13. Dido – White Flag

“Well I will go down with this ship And I won’t put my hands up and surrender. There will be no white flag above my door. I’m in love and always will be”

14. The Feeling – Love it When you call.

“I love it when you call , I love it when you call , But you never call at all. So what’s the complication it’s only conversation”.

15. James Morrison – You give me something

“For every piece of me that wants you Another piece backs away. Cause you give me something that makes me scared alright , this could be nothing But I’m willing to give it a try”

16. Lady Gaga – Bad Romance.

“I want your loving and I want your revenge You and me could write a bad romance”

17. Jesse McCartney – Just so You know

Especially when you’re having a crush on your bff’s bf/gf

18. Jojo – Secret Love

“I try to smile when I see other girls with you Acting like everything is ok. You don’t know how it feels to be so in love with someone who doesn’t even know. My secret love”

19. Kylie Minogue – Can’t get you out of my head

“I just can’t get you out of my head boy your loving is all that I’m think about”

20. Kylie Minogue – Wow

“The more I try , I try to stop, The more I can feel my antenna just sensing you up, What can I do ? I’m into you”

21. Lady Gaga – Paparazzi

“ I’m your biggest fan , I’ll follow you until you love , Pa Pa Pa Pa Razzi”

Friday.

On Friday I met my dad. He arrived on Thursday night and went back on Friday night too. It’s only a day because he has this thing to do with the house. Though it was a short trip but I still have fun because I get the chance to see daddy. :)

We had lunch at California Pizza Kitchen. It was DELICIOUS. Saw few of my friends. Thank God that time I wore shawl. Hehehe..

Oh. I bought DAVIDOFF perfume since my Diesel gonna finish soon. It smells soo nice.. Calming and natural. Unlike my diesel which is too strong. Bought it at KLIA. Hehehe.. Fish’s perfume is $10 cheaper in KLIA than in PARKSONS.

Oh.. I got me some $20 voucher from Parksons. I think I will go there and redeem it sometime after my mid sem. Hehehe

 

Sexy Back.

I think I’ve developed this new kind of trait I like in a guy. A guy who can speak other language and is fluent in it. *Besides English and Malay that is*.

There’s just something sexy about it. A guy who speaks in other language and is very confident and poise. It’s so awemazing and nice to look at.